Hope

I have been through a lot in the past few months, I have felt more pain in my life then I believe I ever have. I've also felt the most love in my life as well...
There is a fine line between love, and hate. It's a fine, crooked line that takes time to travel. Not a simple path one can run down. That's something we learn in time though. What I have learned in the past months though, through the pain, love, and anger...is hope. Hope is something very powerful, maybe even more powerful then love and hate combined. Love. Someone can love someone or something all their lives and never act on it, or even realize it. Then hate, love's twin...So powerful and precise. A weapon many use, though many are full of hate- and never act upon it. Though hope...Hope is something that stirs within. Hope can build a torn down man-up, with nothing but itself.
A quote I heard recently from my new favorite movie, "The Hunger Games," made by Snow (the kind of evil, president in the story) said this about hope and his people, "...Hope, it is the only thing stronger than fear. A little hope is effective, a lot of hope is dangerous. This fact is fine, as long as it's contained." It was a very different way of looking at hope, but very true.
So, the one thing that I have learned these past few months is that even if your hope is weak or not even 'really' there...you most ALWAYS have it. You most always, have hope.
Here is a short story I wrote on just that, and my own experience...


Hope
The sun swallows me, it’s gentle light tickling my skin. Hushed, whispers of wind tussle my hair. The sweet grass flows over the small piece of Heaven I rest on. Lace flowers bloom, their petals’ as a ballerina; beautiful and grace. The robins’ call my name, the return of a dear friend. Sweet melodies they sing, a lullaby. It flows of love, shades of pink and yellow bloom from each perfect note. Tall oaks surround, protecting me. They stand old and wise, my protectors and advisers. They whistle hushed love coos’ as I drift away. The moment, perfect, this place. I can almost taste its love poring over me. Its warmth, and its sorrow… His cool touch chases away the warmth. I beg for it not to leave, the warmth, the songs, the love, the protection- but it all is lost. Distant notes of forgiveness beg for me as they drift away. His frozen hands take mine, everything is gone. The grass slowly crumbles under his pressure. It dries to dust, chasing after the bitter place in the wind. I float into him, he takes me in with heavy arms. His eyes pierce mine, as I shrink to the ground trying to save what love might be left from the place; but it is all gone. The forsaken land hollowed, abandoned, and abused. He steps away, leaving me with his cold touch. Frost slides down my skin, turning it an uncomfortable blue. My heart weeps, deprived of the warmth and love it craves. He runs from the place, my place. Leaving me cold and broken. I try to remember the love, the melody of my lullabies. All is without point, it is all lost. Maybe the place never even existed? Maybe I’ve always been in this tundra, in this abandoned, hopeless world. I arise, and I stand. Slowly, weary steps reach through my feet until I have moved. The process is slow, and agonizing- for my body is tired, not used to the change; but I adjust, and soon, I’m away. Away and new. I travel far across the barren land, until a familiar touch arouses my senses. I step closer, testing. Then slowly following, slowly excepting. I enter my new home, with a new feeling I had not yet felt…hope.
The sun swallows me, it’s gentle light tickling my skin. Hushed, whispers of wind tussle my hair. The sweet grass flows over the small piece of Heaven I rest on. Lace flowers bloom, their petals’ as a ballerina; beautiful and grace. The robins’ call my name, the return of a dear friend…

Let me know what you guys think! Thanks for reading <3 ttfn xoxo
~Esther

My goodness!

Hey guys! Sorry I've been gone for a while but I'm on break now so I'm going to try to post several times a week now. :)

A lot has happened lately. One, I had both of my shows that went really well. Thoroughly Modern Millie only had a few boo-boos but nothing the crowd noticed. (yay!) Then I also got results from Opera Theatet STL (the biggest opera company in STL) for their children's chrous and they want to place me in Carmen AND Alice in Wonderland! :D The only trick is that my school's big 8th grade dance (mini prom!) is on the same night as Alice's tech rehearsal... :P so I hope I can still make it to the dance. (do you want to see the dress I want to buy for it?) Of course you do! :) http://www.lafemmefashion.com/files/images/16813-3.jpg It's blue and glittery...perfect!

Also I know I didn't keep up with posting my song lyrics, but Im starting that this week and will have a brand new, original song up very soon! :) hope you guys have a fantastic day! XOXO

TTFN! Esther <3

Sick..again

I'm home sick, again. So yall get an extra blog!! :O So...My ears have really been killing me lately and last night there was this HUGE flipping thunderstorm. I woke up, like an hour before my alarm went off, and hail is **pounding** on my window. The wind was so strong, it kept getting louder and louder, I just sat in my bed (still half asleep) thinking "there is a tornado...there is a tornado outside and I'm going to die...my ears are killing me!" (I was *really* tired...) So I got up and went into my parent's room and said, "Should we be in the basement or something?" It ended up there wasn't a tornado... (shocker!) ;D So, as it's still pouring/hailing/blowing.... I went down stairs in complete darkness, because I didn't want to turn on the lights why??? So I'm fumbling around, found a flash-light, and found the stupid Advil, took my pill, and went back to bed. I'm pretty sure I was half-way sleep walking. I was more mad then anything though, I woke up and started like arguing with the storm....Yep. So! After I went to sleep again for an hour or so, my alarm went off for school, my ears were a little better so I took my shower etc, got ready, then they started killing me again. Then my legs were really swollen (Why? I don't know...but it wasn't helping). So, I went to McDonalds with my mom got hot chocolate and came home! (Then I watched Jenna Marbles on Youtube.com for a good hour or so, and now I'm writing this blog! Wasn't that fun?) ;) So how are all of your guys's day going? Leave a comment below and let me know! <3 Oh, by the way my opera is tonight...scary. I'm going to go but I just hope my voice doesn't give out. I have to perform the opera again on Sunday, and I have my school's musical Tuesday so....yeah. I'm a lil nervous! So...that's my life for the moment. I'll post again if anything fantastic on this sick-y day happens! .... :P
TTFN! <3 ;)

Music

YAY! I received an e-mail yesterday from Opera Theater St. Louis...and I got Call backs for their operas!!! I'm sooo excited! I'm even more excited for Alice now as well because I have been looking up info about the awesome songs. The woman who wrote this opera, Unsuk Chin, is truly a genius. Alice in Wonderland has been adapted by Disney into a more kid-friendly story, but originally Alice was supposed to be a little scary of a story. Unsuk Chin really brings this threw beautifully. Here is a clip of the opera done in Berlin,Germany!

Isn't that so cool? It's very different, very modern! :) So, on another note....I am starting something new on my blog! "Song Sundays!" Lately I have been writing my own lyrics to songs, and I'm going to start posting them here to this blog, and you guys can tell me what you think! For today though, I'll give you a sneak peek... ;) This is one of my silly-er songs that I wrote back in January:

This Fantasy is Over
Oh! You're like a fairy tale
That turned sour, no it won't end well
but your everything I could ever want....
in my personal Hell

Oh! Your like my Romeo
asked for my heart- then ya said no
(I don't think so...)
Your my personal hell

(Oh! Oh! Oh!) x2

Rapunzel let down your brown hair
it flows down like a river
goin' no where
Prince Charming knows all the right words
to bad my hair is an extension...

Oh! Prince this is the end!
Take your bow- this fantasy is over
Oh! Take it back to the castle!
'Cause now this damsel is sober.
~


Corny? Yes. But that's what I've got! :D tell me what you think, or if you write your own songs- message me and I can post them to my blog! XOXO <3 TTFN!(ta ta for now!)

Alllllrighty then!

I'm still alive! :) This blog has been sadly neglected for several months now- so I am bringing it back to life! I've recently (meaning a few hours ago...) became part of a blog panel for Julie Cross (author of the HUGE new book, "Tempest"). A blog for teens! :) I'll be posting more info on that as it comes. As for now, let me catch you guys up on everything I've been up to!

I'll start with the biggest and bests news! (why wait for the end?) ;) I am in the children's chorus for St. Louis's Winter Opera- La Boheme!!! This is my first professional JOB as a singer...yep... I'm being paid. I don;t know how much...but that isn't the point people! I am as of right now a paid singer! (HALLELUJAH!) :D I am sooo in Heaven right now! This opera is a really fun one, (great for opera beginners!) and I LOVE singing with the adult chorus. I can't help myself to not grin my head off! :DDD Also, right now I am in my second musical at my middle school as Miss Dorothy in "Thoroughly Modern Millie Jr.!" It is sooooo much fun! I get to wear pretty, fluffy, pink dresses. Then, I have my character shoes.... For those of you who are not into the musicals and what not, character shoes are just heels (usually in nude or black) that have either taps on the bottom or, in my case, they are really slick so you can do turns/spins etc. Oh my goodness is it hard to walk in those things! I about fell down the stairs just trying them on! Then on top of those darling things, I have to run quite a bit. The choir/ensemble was short on members so my director is having me sing with them in a number as a modern, in addition to my role as Miss Dorothy. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have to throw on a dress with Velcro down the back, over my Dorothy dress and change wigs in the matter of seconds each time I went on/off stage....AH! I hope I can do it all okay. That's the last thing I want to do is come on stage with my short brown hair as Miss Dorothy! Hopefully it will all be alright. :) Then what is next week? My choir performance! This one I am very excited for because along with our long black gowns and pearl earrings, each girl gets to add a red accessory for our Valentine's day themed concert! It's going to be beautiful! Then all of our songs are love songs. <3 <3 <3 My favorite is a piece called, "Red Red Rose" words by: Robert Burns and the music by: Douglas E. Wagner. My other favorite piece is, "Heart We Will Forget Him!" Words by: Emily Dickinson (love her!) and music by: Laura Farnell. Both of these pieces are just so beautiful! I love the words in both. "Oh my love is like a red, red rose. That's newly sprung in June. Oh my love is like the melody, that's sweetly plaid in tune!" (Red, Red, Rose) "Heart we will forget him, you and I tonight. You may forget the warmth he gave. I'll forget the light....Dim my thoughts and when your done please tell me that I may straight begin to forget the light he gave." (Heart We Will Forget Him). Gorgeous! I will try to post a link of my choir singing these pieces after our concert. :) Then of course on the tip-top of my heaping plate of things to do. I still am taking voice, dance, piano, and acting lessons. Then also I am now trying Pilates...I don't care what anyone says (or that everyone in my class, except for me and a girl in college, was +45 yrs. old) I think Pilates is a great thing to do! I'm WAY more flexible and healthy now! (I've been taking this class for several months now). I think everyone should try this exercise- especially dancers because it trims you down and makes you flexible without adding on a bunch of muscle. Well, anyways I loved the class (and my dance teacher surprisingly taught it so I loved it even more!) :D Well, I'm pretty tired now so I believe I will post again tomorrow! Goodnight darlings! <3

One Day of Forever

Moment of forever. That's what our lives are. Compared to how long Earth has been around, and all of life, our own human lives are so small. So meager. On the larger scale of things our lives do not even count for a second- only a moment. A flicker of light, short-yet brilliant. Each of our lives are brilliant. (Whether you think so or not). :) They are! Think of all that man kind has done? What YOU have done? There are so many things, I know, that I have done that I never want to forget. I am in the very early years of, what I hope to be, a very long life. I never want to forget who I am, or what I did. I want to hold every moment, every instant, that I can grasp; because life goes a lot faster than it looks. So that is why I have this blog. I am going to try and write every day, at least for this year. So, here I go.....
Today, I had school. (woo! Exciting...) Since it's close to Thanksgiving my school has an annual "Turkey Ball." Basically, everyone gets out of class for the last three hours of the day to sit in the schools, hard, small, bleachers and watch the teachers cream the students in volleyball. And like the true 8th graders my class and I turned out to be- we came in last in the Turkey Ball competitions (between grade levels,) like every 8th grade class before us has. (Gotta follow tradition!) Though this year, we actually did try...a little.
My grade collected over 600 pairs of shoes for one competition, that goes to, "The Shoe Man." The Shoe Man is a non-profit org. that collects shoes from people, and sells them REALLY cheap to people in poor countries that can't afford regular priced shoes. He then takes the money that he earns, and uses that money to build wells in villages that have no local water supply. In some villages, the women have to get up every day WAY before daylight and walk MILES to get to one water well that all the locals share. Then walk back all those miles with the water! So The Shoe Man reeeeaaaalllllyyyy helps these people, and it's a REALLY good cause! Check out his website and maybe donate a few old shoes, any kind- even heels! As long as there are no holes, you're good! http://www.shoeman.org/
Well anyways-besides that competition, we lost every other one. Like the pie eating contest, the volley-ball tournament, or the golden egg race, lost em' all. It was funny though- I think we all took in as much pride as being last as we would have as being first! My teacher wasn't happy though...she really wanted to win....
Well, after all of that I went to my voice lessons. I take private voice lessons that are majorly based off of classical training. I want to become an opera singer when I'm older, but I also would like to do a few musicals as well, like Kristin Chenoweth. She recently played "Galinda the Good Witch" from Wicked. See? She has a beautifully trained operatic voice, but she is also wonderful for musicals because she still has that wonderful voice, but she is VERY spunky and peppy, and just a delightful performer.
That's my downfall, I want to try musicals, but I am still quite terrible at dancing (meaning, when I try to dance, I'm the person people look at and go, "Oh...That poor girl.") Okay, so I'm not thhhat bad, but you get what I mean! ;)
Though, sadly, that's not my only downfall. I am still pretty shaky on acting. You see, up until this year I have been a very shy person, so this is all new to me. As a little girl, I was a tomboy and just wanted to play soccer. So, I have a bit of a late start. I take acting lessons now from a private acting coach, every two weeks. "It's a slow process...but you're doing better," he told me last lesson. I like him a lot. He's straight forward (which I need- I can't learn well from teachers who cover up my mistakes. How do I learn anything that way?) But, even though he is straight forward, he is pleasant about it. He's not harsh, which I am VERY thankful for, because I know that I'm quite a hard case! So, maybe I'll get to do musicals some day- I have done one (actually two, but that's a long story that I'm sure I'll tell eventually.) :D Hmm, musicals sound like a good idea for me huh? Maybe I'll audition with this song??? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouL9ZMzEZ4k
Haha! Maybe not... Well, it's getting kind of late, and I have voice lessons again tomorrow early. (:P Why early lessons???) So, I will say Adieu :D Bye!!! I'll post again tomorrow! <3 xoxo